The prompt was “Time Out.” I had to let this percolate a while because the card for today is XIII. Death. Now, don’t be nervous, the death card doesn’t represent actual death, most times, it represents change. Significant change. I’ve learned that change is difficult unless the situation one is changing from is harder yet. Sometimes that’s the only way one can accomplish it.
So this is what I came up with. This is not my life right now, but it has been. The form is a Kyrielle.
Time Out: Single Mother
Up so early in the morning,
must hurry, wake the kids for school.
Exercise? Don’t have a minute.
Rush through breakfast as a rule.
Just put your shoes on, mommy’s late,
and where’s that thing I have to sign?
Load the car with kids and neighbors
Why did I think carpooling’s fine?
Once the kids are all unloaded,
drive to work through rush hour traffic.
Get to work and try to focus
on important demographics.
Lunch time comes too soon to stop, so
eating at my desk suffices
Playing catchup all day long is
not enough, more sacrifices.
Working late, and worried, always
about the trouble kids can be.
What’d the sitter cook for dinner?
How can I parent absentee?
Home at last, but it’s not over.
Homework is never really done.
Dishes, laundry, bedtime stories,
Kiss them, sleeping, one-by-one.
This is not the life envisioned
when I was a younger lass.
On the brink of self-destruction,
pour the whiskey in the glass.
Weeping silently all evening
Just how do I escape this trap?
How to be a better mother,
stop the struggle, stop the crap.
What is needed next, I figure,
may be a slower, calmer pace.
Life is short, it should be happy,
not just an endless hectic race.
With my new resolve unfurling,
I know that I must quit my job.
I type out my resignation.
Feeling better, I start to sob.
Life shouldn’t be such a struggle.
rushing, wishing for more time.
Making choices for survival,
being happy is not a crime.